Submitted for EP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally some good news to report on the adoption front! I got an early morning phone call from our agency today to tell me that our paperwork has been submitted to the Korean government for their approval, which is called Emigration Permission (EP). This is a huge step, this is what we have been waiting for for the past 16 months.

We thought we would be submitted last week and when that didn't happen it was very disappointing. I was at that point when you just throw your hands up and say, "okay, God, I can't worry about it anymore." It will happen when it happens. Apparently, small groups are being submitted rather than one huge batch as is usually the case and we just didn't make it into last week's group. For my fellow APs who timeline stalk, our acceptance to Korea (ATK) date was 1/18/2012. But if you are a timeline stalker you seriously need to join the Eastern Facebook group. :)

It's interesting, we were also submitted for Joshua's EP in May. And then we began the long wait through the summer waiting for EP approval which took an unprecedented 13 weeks (at the time). I have no idea how long it will take for Jonah's EP. In addition, to EP there is an additional step now so after EP, our paperwork will be submitted to the Family Court and then we will be given a court date. My best guess at this point for travel is September or October, but really we have no idea. After everything that has happened, I am just praying, "Please God let him come home this year."

We also got some new pictures yesterday. Jonah is getting so tall. He is currently 24 pounds and 34 inches tall. The first three are from March (20 months old), the second three are from April, and the last four are from May (22 months old).

"Done in"

This is how we are feeling regarding the adoption process right now, completely done in. John and I are both feeling so very weary of this process, to the point that we don't think we can ever do it again. We are tired of the emotional roller coaster, the uncertainty, the waiting, the lack of forward movement (for anyone, not just us). I am tired of the constant search for any shred of information that might shed light on why this process has come to a halt and when it might start moving again. And most of all I am tired of watching our son grow up in pictures, and yet I am can't stop checking my email for new pictures. Jonah turned 22 months old yesterday. With almost one hundred percent certainty we can now say that we will miss his second birthday, something I could not have even fathomed at the beginning of this year.  We have been waiting almost 16 months to bring him home. By comparison, we waited 11 months after referral acceptance for Joshua.

Since my last post, the emotional roller coaster has continued. At the end of March, we found out that Jonah's birth mom was contacted to confirm relinquishment. I wrote about this here. This news was definitely bittersweet. We felt relief that we would be able to move forward with his adoption, but also great sadness because I would never wish or pray for a child to lose their mother. We heard from other adoptive families that a court official was present during the interview to ensure that relinquishment was really what she wanted and that there was no coercion. We were also asked to provide more paperwork at this time and were told we would be submitted for Emigration Permission (EP) soon. The month of April came and went with no EP news and no Family Court approvals. There were several families that were given April court dates, but they were canceled after the court decided we didn't need to appear in court.

Near the end of April, the courts changed their minds and summoned several families to appear in court at the end of May. But there was still no word on EP submission for us. Then on May 1st, we heard that the EP quota for 2013 had finally been released and we were told once again that we would be submitted for EP "soon," supposedly at the beginning of this month. All week I have been hoping to hear the news that our paperwork has been submitted, but it has not come.

In the meantime, the Family Court in Korea has decided that all families, both husband and wife, must appear in court. So we are right back where we started at the beginning of March. We are happy to appear in court and answer any questions; we just want this process to move forward. While we do still have concerns about how this is going to work out and the unexpected financial costs, the greatest stressor has been been removed because unlike before when both parents would be required to stay in country for 3-4 weeks, it appears that 2 shorter trips will be now be allowed or one parent could leave after the court appearance and the other stay. We do still have concerns about bringing Joshua back, but with the delays he will have been home for about 2 years before we bring Jonah home so I think he will be more ready to go back to Korea for a visit. Logistically, we still don't know how this is all going to work out. The first families (waiting since December 2011) now have court dates ranging from the end of May through mid-June. Hopefully, we will learn more once these families go through the process.

Yes, I know Jonah will be worth the wait. Yes, I know God's timing is perfect, but it doesn't make this process less difficult. It has taken a toll on me emotionally and physically. I have gained weight. I have been overwhelmed and at times even a little depressed. I feel like I haven't been there for some of my friends who are also going through struggles. I feel like I have been a terrible friend, aunt, sister, daughter, terrible in pretty much any other role I have other than my immediate roles as wife and mom.

As always, prayers are so appreciated, for the process, for Jonah, and for us.

Prayers Answered - No Court Appearance!!!

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who joined us in prayer after my last post, whether you left a comment or not, we so appreciate the prayers, blog comments, emails, and Facebook messages. I could literally feel your prayers and the Lord gave me much peace about everything in spite of the circumstances. I could sense He was at work and would work everything out to His glory.

There was supposed to be a meeting the week after my last post (on March 5th) between the Korean adoption agencies and the Family Court. However, we found out on the evening of March 4th (Korea is 16 hours ahead of us), that the meeting was cancelled and two of the three judges were replaced and a fourth judge was added. I went to bed feeling discouraged and defeated. Just a day prior to that, our community group had prayed for us and this meeting. It was one of those Spirit moving, tears being shed times of prayer where you go away just knowing God is at work. I thought that great news would follow after the meeting took place. And then it was cancelled.

The next morning I woke up and was able to have some quiet time with the Lord. Side note here, this was possible because Joshua has been sick and slept until 8am. I don't want to give the impression that I am a super spiritual, super mom who gets up every morning before Joshua wakes up to have my quiet time, though I would love for this to be so. The truth is I have really struggled to have a regular quiet time since becoming a mom. Anyway, I was reading in Exodus and came across these verses:

But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:13-14

I sensed the Lord telling me that these previous judges were the "Egyptians," that they were not favorably inclined toward international adoption, and that their replacement was an answer to prayer. It was interesting to read the MPAK blog post and see that Steve also felt confident that the issue of the extended stay in Korea would be a "no brainer" for these new judges and that he had a strong sense that the new court would agree to a solution that would require us to be in Korea for only a week.

Well, God has answered!!!!!!!!

We found out today that the new judges have decided that we don't need to appear in Family Court. Our paperwork will go to the court and once we are given approval, we will travel after the VISA is issued just as before, and stay about a week. We weren't told yet whether both parents would be required to travel, but I wouldn't think so since there is no longer a reason it would be necessary. This is a huge answer to prayer!!! I can't imagine having to go to Korea and waiting 14 days before the court decision is final, not knowing whether we will actually bring Jonah home. Plus, John would have had no time at home with Jonah, it would have been incredibly difficult financially, and it would have been potentially very traumatic for Joshua.

I don't believe there has been any change as far as recontacting birth moms, but I have to say that I recently had an opportunity to watch a documentary called "Mercy, Mercy" about adoption from Ethiopia that reframed my thinking on this subject. You can watch it here: http://youtu.be/bTirNtngWTE, but fair warning it is one of the most horrific things I have ever seen. However, it NEEDS to be watched by everyone in the adoption community. This isn't just an isolated case; this is what all too often happens when potential adoptive parents rush in to adopt from a particular country because with them comes large amounts of money. Too often this leads to corruption and the manufacturing of orphans (it happened in Guatemala and now it's happening in Ethiopia). The children in this documentary didn't get a "better life" by being adopted; they belong with their biological parents. Adoption should be about finding families for children who truly NEED a family, not finding children for families who want them. So I look at this situation with Jonah's birth mom as an opportunity to ensure that adoption is truly what she wants for him; it is an opportunity to make sure that his adoption is ethical.

Hopefully, this process will finally begin to move forward. We would appreciate your continued prayers!

Difficult Adoption News

This past Tuesday we received some very difficult adoption news. The first and more difficult part involves Jonah's legal relinquishment. A new law went into effect in Korea this past August that requires a seven day waiting period after birth before relinquishment papers can be signed. I completely support this, and in fact think an even longer time period for international adoption would be appropriate. Jonah was relinquished prior to this law, but the judges in Korea have decided that all adoptions will be held to the standard of the new law. Therefore, Jonah's birth mom will be contacted to relinquish her parental rights again.

This news has been devastating. I understand why it is necessary given that there was no waiting period after relinquishment under the old law. I am one hundred percent supportive of children remaining with their first parents and I really don't want Jonah's mom to experience the loss of her child. My heart aches at the thought. I have shed many tears thinking about her and Joshua's first mom. But on the other hand, I am so scared of losing the child that I have dreamed of for over a year now. We have loved him, prayed for him, watched him grow up in pictures, checked our email repeatedly after we know he has been in for his monthly check-up, eaten dinner with his picture, told Joshua all about him, and celebrated his first birthday. It is hard to imagine our family without him in it. Losing him would be worse than my miscarriage. Yet we never really had him; he isn't ours in any legal sense. We have no right to him. I get that, I really do. It is just hard to hope and believe he will come home now. Already, I know of two families who have lost the children they thought would be part of their families after their birth moms were contacted. It is unclear as to exactly when in the process birth moms will be contacted. I am praying it is as soon as possible. 

The second part is that both John and I will have to appear in court in Korea. This blog post from MPAK sheds more light on all this http://mpakusa.blogspot.com/2013/02/korea-update-issue-on-travel.html#comment-form.We were initially told that the family court step would be reviewing our case to make sure that the relinquishment was legal, but now it appears that they will also be checking to make sure that we are suitable parents. There is talk that instead of the three business that are currently required, we may be required to stay for three to four weeks in Korea. The unexpected financial impact of this is huge as Seoul is a very expensive city. After we appear in court and assuming we receive approval, there is a 14 day waiting period in which an appeal could be made. After that the judges ruling would become final. However, it is being reported that Jonah's birth mom would be allowed to step forward to reclaim him during this 14 day waiting period. Honestly, I can't even fathom this. The first families to go to court aren't scheduled to go until April. At this point I couldn't even guess when we will be submitted for EP, and then after approval, go to court. It is now a very real possibility that Jonah will turn two in Korea.

In many ways we are in a better position then most if the travel would be three weeks because the military gives a very generous 21 days for the purpose of adoption. However, it would be very difficult for it to extend beyond that. Plus, John would have zero time to be at home bonding with Jonah.

The  other challenge is that Joshua has only been home for 18 months and is not ready to be left overnight with anyone, especially for such an extended amount of time. Doing so would seriously jeopardize the attachment we have worked very hard to build. We would have no choice but to take him to Korea with us, but we are unsure if he is emotionally ready for that either. And having a three year old in Korea for a month - yikes! We had planned on me traveling and John staying home with Joshua.

I have been feeling completely discouraged, but I received great encouragement today from my mom to press on and believe that Jonah is coming home. We desperately need your prayers over this situation.

Car Seat Advice

I need some car seat advice. We have a Britax Roundabout 55 for Joshua. The specifications say it is good up to 46 inches in height. However, Joshua is now 37 inches and is getting close to the one inch from the top of the car seat limit. I can't see how it will be possible for him to grow another 9 inches and still fit in this car seat (unless he only grows in his legs!). So I am thinking we will use our current car seat for Jonah and get another one for Joshua. Anyone have any recommendations? Has this happened to anyone else with this car seat. I would like to buy one car seat that will work until we can switch to a booster.

I am even taking that annoying "prove you are a person" thing off to make it easier to comment. Sorry I will have to put it back on though because I always get all kinds of crazy spam when I don't have it on.

Watch my brother's Bully Free video!

So proud of my brother Robert. He wrote and performed this song, then put the video together with the help of his wife. Check it out!

Adoption Update and New Pictures

The year started off with some excitement on the adoption front when news came that half of the last group from 2012 (they should have actually traveled last year) finally had EP approval and would be submitted for court review under the new law in Korea (prior to this new law we did not have to go through a court review process, only EP). I think we all had high hopes that the court review process would move quickly and that the first group for 2013 would be submitted for EP approval; we anticipate being in this first group. But there has been nothing, no word at all, and no confirmation on what, if any, new paperwork the Korean courts would like. I have heard lots of rumors about this from Holt families, but we have had no confirmation of anything. So just as quickly, hopes have fallen - such is the emotional roller coaster that is international adoption.

Part of the issue appears to be that the Korean courts have never done adoptions before so all of the judges and lawyers need to get up to speed on the process.There has been a suggestion made that Korea allow all of us who accepted a referral prior to the new law going into effect be allowed to skip the court review step, which would allow adoption to continue on without the delay this new step is causing. It is a long shot, but our God is a God of miracles, please be praying with me about this, that somehow this court review step begin to move forward either because it is eliminated (temporarily) or because the courts quickly determine the process and necessary paperwork.

One of the potential new pieces of paperwork that may be required is a Certificate of Citizenship (COC) for Joshua. Technically, he became a U.S. citizen as soon as his adoption was finalized. However, at the federal level he is not listed as a citizen until we pay $550 and file a bunch of paperwork, and 6-12 months later we get a piece of paper. Because of the cost we had been waiting to file for this until some funds came in; we are in the process of doing all the paperwork now, but obviously with the current processing time frames we won't have Joshua's COC before being submitted for court review. We will receive a document that states our paperwork has been received, so please pray that this doesn't cause us any issues and that the Korean government will be satisfied with a receipt notice.

We really need your prayers right now:

1) For the adoption process to move forward

2) For the court review step to be worked out

3) For us to have all the necessary paperwork including the COC issue

4) For Jonah to be able to stay with his current foster family (we haven't had an issue so far, but the longer
the wait, the more likely it is a problem could arise that requires him to change to a new foster family)

5) Prepare our hearts and home for Jonah's homecoming, especially Joshua's who at the mention of his little brother tells me "bye" meaning he wants him to go bye-bye; also for me - part of me can't wait to meet my next son, but part of me is so afraid of going through another difficult adoption transition

6) To prepare Jonah's heart and for God's protection upon it - Jonah is now 18 months old and has lived with his foster family for 16 months; this will be an incredible loss for him

7) For us to rest in God's timing; one of the things I have been praying about is that if Jonah's homecoming could occur during a developmental window that would make the transition easier for him, to let it be at that time 

We have been blessed with new photos of Jonah almost every month (skipped April and August - though we received his first birthday pictures in August). I am so grateful for these photos, whether and how often you receive them depends on your social worker in Korea. Our social worker has been really wonderful, but unfortunately she has recently left the agency. I am hoping our new social worker continues to send photos every month.

Jonah is now 18 months old, he weighs about 23 pounds and is 32 inches tall.

Hard to believe it has now been over a year since we first saw this sweet face and a year and 5 days since our paperwork went to Korea. For comparison, we were in Korea meeting Joshua for the first time exactly one year from when we first saw his picture and 11 months from when our paperwork was sent over. We in all likelihood still have several more months of waiting. I have all but given up hope of traveling in March. At this point, I am hoping for April.